Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time

Showtimes

It’s hot, it’s delicious, it’s ARIZONA CHEESE MONTH at Mondo Mondays, featuring a crazed collection of over-cooked B-movie classics shot right here in the Grand Canyon State!

“An awesome hero. An invincible villain. Time travel to a distant world. It’s gonna be a wild weekend!” The bicep-bulging Beastmaster must chase an evil, laser-wielding warlord through a time portal to 1990s Los Angeles to prevent him from stealing a neutron bomb in this whackadoo sequel of Mondo-esque proportions.

“Absolutely ludicrous … one of the most asinine adventure films ever made.” – Hollywood Metal

Mark Singer, star of the original 1982 Beastmaster, jumps back into the loincloth as Dar, a beefy barbarian who can communicate with animals (including a tiger, a hawk and a pair of comic-relief ferrets named Podo and Kodo). An evil, overacting, mask-wearing maniac named Arklon (overacting B-movie bad guy, Wings Hauser) has enslaved most of the population of a bleak desert wasteland (which looks strangely like Arizona). When a sexy, wisecracking witch (Sarah Douglas, Superman 2) shows Arklon the secret to accessing a time portal that will allow him to travel to other dimensions, Arklon takes a vacation to 1990s Los Angeles, where he plans on nabbing a nuclear bomb that will allow him to rule the world! Soon, Dar and his animal pals are teaming up with a sassy ‘90s teen named Jackie (sassy ‘90s MTV VJ, Kari Wuher) to chase Arklon through L.A. and stop the insanity. Or will Dar, strolling down Hollywood Boulevard with a leather jockstrap, a giant sword and a striped tiger, find that he truly belongs in the ‘90s and get a job as a Chippendales dancer? An unintentionally hilarious trainwreck of misguided intentions and massive confusion, Beastmaster 2 will hurl YOU into another bad movie dimension. (Dir. by Sylvio Tabet, 1991, USA, 107mins., Rated PG-13)