Black Roses

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“Live for one night only … that’s all they’ll ever need.”

When brain dead teenagers in a small town fall under the spell of hellish demons disguised as heavy metal rockers, there can only be one possible outcome … and that outcome would look a lot like the ridiculous ‘80s terror flick Black Roses! You say you’ve always wanted to see a heavy metal horror version of Footloose? Well, go on and get some! From the director of Rock-n-Roll Nightmare comes this goofy blast of hard-rockin’ crud that proves Tipper Gore was speaking the gospel truth when she said that rock-and-roll was going to turn our nation’s kids into slobbering, murdering, fornicating freaks! Sorry Tipper … we really should have listened! The quaint town of Mill Basin has just been selected to host a concert by the popular hard rock band, Black Roses. Why would a world-famous rock band want to perform in a rural cow-tipping town like Mill Basin, population next-to-nothing? Glad you asked. It seems that the band, led by its snaggle-toothed, big-haired, Messiah-like lead singer Damian, is actually a coven of hideous demons who have assumed the guise of spandex-clad musicians in order to possess the souls of innocent teenagers. Apparently, when the kiddies get a listen to the screeching sounds of Black Roses in concert, they are destined to become murderous demons themselves, which spells big trouble for Mill Basin’s uptight parents’ brigade, which is dying (literally!) to put an end to this whole “rock-and-roll nonsense.” Before you can say “Axl Rose,” these kids are definitely NOT all right, and the mindless carnage (not to mention the terrible acting, ear-puncturing music and laughable monster SFX) begin. Dumb to the extreme, this low-budget metal mess is more entertaining than it has any right to be, and if you end up losing your soul while watching it, you can always blame Tipper Gore. (Dir. by John Fasano, 1988, USA, 84 mins., Rated R) Digital