Dracula vs. Frankenstein

Showtimes

“Yesterday they were cold and dead. Today they’re hot and bothered!”

What happens when the world’s two greatest titans of terror slug it out in the ultimate battle of the has-been monsters? Apparently, not all that much, at least based on the evidence presented in the notoriously awful 1971 creature feature Dracula vs. Frankenstein, directed by infamous Z-movie maestro Al Adamson (Satan’s Sadists, The Naughty Stewardesses). Place your bets on the goofy ‘70s porn star-looking bloodsucker or the lumpy mashed potato-faced Frankenweenie … either way, the only winners here will be those viewers with a taste for hilariously awful horror trash. Admittedly, this slapdash epic of bad filmmaking has managed to achieve perverse cult status thanks to its sheer ineptness and surprisingly impressive cast, and it’s a doozy. Decrepit Dr. Frankenstein (J. Carrol Naish) runs a “House of Horrors” at a rundown carnival, but it’s really just a cover for his more devious scientific experimentation – work that requires the murderous deeds of his mute assistant Groton (Lon Chaney Jr.) So far, so bad, until one day Count Dracula (played by some guy named “Zandor Vorkov.” Seriously.) shows up out of the blue bearing the stolen corpse of Frankenstein’s monster. Seems the fanged freak (who, this being the early ‘70s, sports laughable pork chop sideburns and a white guy afro) wants to make the doctor an offer he can’t refuse: resurrect the monster so that Dracula can use the beast to carry out his plan to take over the world. Throw in a sultry lounge singer in hot pants and white go-go boots who’s looking for her missing sister, a dumb jock looking to get laid, a sinister little person who deals in stolen puppies, bizarre cameos by Russ Tamblyn and Famous Monsters of Filmland publisher Forrest J. Ackerman, and a whole lot of incoherent “action” involving beheadings, hippies and a final battle between Dracula and Frankenstein’s monster that inadvertently plays out like something from a Monty Python sketch, and you’ve got an unforgettable piece of junk that will really knock you for a loop! (Dir. by Al Adamson, 1971, USA, 82 mins., Not Rated) Digital