Crack that whip! It’s RAIDERS OF THE LOST RIP-OFF MONTH at Mondo Mondays, featuring a hidden treasure trove of awesomely awful Indy knock-offs guaranteed to melt your face!
“A pair of down-and-out fortune hunters cash in on high adventure!” Professional butt-kicker Chuck Norris and Oscar-winner Lou Gossett Jr. team up to cinematically embarrass themselves as they trot around the globe searching for a hidden Mayan treasure – a treasure protected by the Bad Movie Gods at Cannon Films!
“This is a fun film in the same way that a Scooby Doo cartoon is fun, almost in spite of its overall lack of quality.” – Flickering Myth
In Firewalker, the legendarily stoic Norris makes his ill-fated first (and arguably last) attempt to “lighten up” on screen by playing a charming, devil-may-care, Indiana Jones wannabe named Max Donigan, a karate-kicking, money-loving mercenary who loves getting into trouble as much as he loves grooming his wooly mustache and cracking stupid jokes. His partner in adventure, Leo (Gossett Jr., perhaps wondering why his recent Academy Award for An Officer and a Gentleman didn’t protect him from this mess), feels obligated to laugh at Max’s antics and occasionally help him fight his way out of dire situations. When a mysterious, rare map-toting young woman named Patricia (Melody Anderson, Flash Gordon) hires this pair of goofballs to help her locate and “raid” a mythical treasure of golden artifacts, the Raiders of the Lost Ark shenanigans begin, as the not-very-competent trio gets drunk, battles cartoonish villains, do martial arts (well, Chuck Norris does martial arts, anyway), disguise themselves as priests, fall in love (well, Norris and Anderson fall in love, anyway, although an argument could be made for Norris and Gossett as well, given all their sweaty homoerotic bonding), fall into the water, get tied up, run away from an alligator, meet up with a mad dictator (played by John Rhys-Davies, best known as “Sallah” in Raiders, thus further cementing this film’s rip-off cred), and eventually come face-to-face with an evil one-eyed Mayan magician who wants to put them (and us!) out of their misery. Of course, at no point does anyone actually “firewalk,” but what’d you expect? (Dir. by J. Lee Thompson, 1986, USA, 104 mins., Rated PG)
Mondo Mondays RAFFLE 2018
VH-YES! Each month at Mondo Mondays in 2018 we’ll be holding a free raffle for an exclusive, one-of-a-kind prize: an old-school VHS case with original Mondo Mondays cover art designed by Tucson artist Ben Mackey! There’ll be new cover art every month, and each case will include a fabulous mystery VHS tape! Collect ‘em all! You must attend EVERY Mondo movie of the month in order to enter, and only one lucky winner will be selected at the final screening of each month. A special punch card will be provided to keep track of your attendance. And remember … please be kind and rewind.