Hide and Go Shriek


“Close your eyes. Count to 10. And run for your life.”

A gaggle of supposedly sexy teens spend the night “getting it on” in a local department store after hours, but little do they know their retail pleasure pit is about to be put out of business by a blood-thirsty maniac who’s just itching to slash prices … and everything else as well! Hide and Go Shriek (which scores major Mondo points just for the title alone) is, like, a totally gnarly late-era entry in the ‘80s slasher sweepstakes, melding the “shop till you drop” setting of Reagan-era junk like Chopping Mall with “the only good teen is a dead teen” classiness of Slaughter High, with just a pinch of Mrs. Doubtfire cross-dressing thrown in for good measure. Directed by Skip Schoolnik (in what was simultaneously his first and last feature film directing gig), Hide and Go Shriek follows the misadventures of a group of half-witted, big-haired teenagers (including one young woman with hair so enormous she appears to have an angry Ewok attached to her skull), who have, by some stroke of dumb luck, all managed to graduate from high school, so they naturally decide to celebrate this enormous accomplishment by sneaking in to a department store after hours, where they will spend the evening drinking beer, exposing their private parts to one another and reading the collected works of Leo Tolstoy. Unfortunately for them (but luckily for us), a weirdo killer with a grudge is also spending the night, and these hard-partying bimbos and himbos are most likely never going to get to reap the rewards of their new high school diplomas. Piled high with exceptionally stupid characters, hilariously homoerotic male bonding (what, don’t all dudes watch each other lifting weights while fondling bananas?) and some tasty decapitations and mannequin-based fake scares, Hide and Go Shriek eventually enters the bad slasher flick history books with one of the most ludicrous/offensive “twist” endings on record. Like The Breakfast Club only with more gore and less Judd Nelson, Hide and Go Shriek is a film that will make you happy you’re not a teenager … or a mannequin. (Dir. by Skip Schoolnik, 1988, USA, 90 mins., Rated R) Digital