Starcrash

Showtimes
monday, april 29 at 8:00pm | GENERAL ADMISSION: $4 • LOFT MEMBERS: $3

Mondo Mondays Hassels the Hoff with a tribute to the cinematic legend that is DAVID HASSELHOFF! Start running in slow motion NOW!

“A galactic adventure beyond your wildest dreams!” A sensuous space siren named Stella Star and a leather-clad space pimp named Akton zoom through the galaxy searching for a lost David Hasselhoff, only to end up battling Amazons, Cave Men and Dimwitted Robots in this tacky, trashy and highly enjoyable “only from the ‘70s” interstellar  train wreck!

“An enjoyably awful Star Wars rip-off … with ray guns, robots and David Hasselhoff … laughably bad, but there’s never a dull moment.” – Black Hole Reviews

A high fructose rip-off of an obscure little movie called Star Wars, Starcrash (from the Italian Master of Movie Mozzarella, Luigi Cozi, director of Hercules starring Lou Ferrigno) brings to the screen the supposedly exciting adventures of gorgeous intergalactic space smuggler Stella Star (former Bond-girl Caroline Munro), whose thirst for adventure is matched only by her love of skimpy Barbarella-esque space fashions.   While criminally carousing through a rainbow-hued galaxy that appears to have been fashioned from multi-colored Christmas tree lights and discarded lava lamps, Stella and her sleazy sidekick Akton (former child evangelist and overly-intense ‘70s exploitation film star Marjoe Gortner) are arrested by the space police, and in a turn of events that could only happen in an insane Italian sci-fi epic such as this, Stella is forced to atone for her crimes by being sent to space prison where she must feed beach balls into an energy furnace while dressed in a space bikini and high heels.  But you can’t keep a good woman down (or in the same outfit for more than two minutes), and Stella has soon staged a violent prison revolt, after which she and Akton (and a silly robot sidekick with a garbled Texas accent) are hurled into a ridiculous adventure masterminded by the pompous Emperor of the Universe (Oscar-winner Christopher Plummer!), who blackmails our hair-flipping heroine into finding and rescuing his dreamy son Prince Simon (a young and confused-looking David Hasselhoff), who has gone missing somewhere in the universe. Wildly implausible and totally chaotic, with a new and increasingly brain-damaged crisis introduced roughly every five minutes, Starcrash is a trash barrel full of laughs beamed to Earth from a galaxy far, far away. (Dir. by Luigi Cozi, 1978, Italy/USA, in English, 92 mins., Rated PG)