Treasure of the Four Crowns

Showtimes

Crack that whip! It’s RAIDERS OF THE LOST RIP-OFF MONTH at Mondo Mondays, featuring a hidden treasure trove of awesomely awful Indy knock-offs guaranteed to melt your face!

“Share the ultimate modern adventure!” In this hilariously gonzo, glaringly cheapo Italian Raiders knock-off, a slow-moving, middle-aged soldier of fortune in a red windbreaker named J.T. Striker (played by Tony Anthony, an actor so heroic they named him twice!) is hired to assemble a crack team of thieves to steal the titular treasure, which actually turns out to be three crowns, rather than four … but who’s counting?

“A genuinely terrible movie that’s so outrageous, it must be seen to be believed.” – The Spinning Image

Naturally, a whole bunch of tacky Raiders-inspired adventures ensue, most of them involving visible wires, non-threatening threats, and clumsily-choreographed stunts that would surely make even Indiana Jones roll his eyes. Originally shot in the supposedly spectacular “Super-Vision 3D” process, Treasure of the Four Crowns mostly involves people sticking something toward the camera in an exaggerated manner for an unrealistically long period of time. Pretty much anything that isn’t bolted down gets jammed into our poor peepers – keys, sticks, guns, fingers, bottles of booze, skeleton arms, spears, dangling bits of string, and in what is surely a movie first, a 3D-enhanced squirrel. Of course, the 3D effect is even more ridiculous when projected in the magic of 2D, as is the case here. And yet, somehow, all the 3D shenanigans are the least ludicrous thing about this movie – case in point, the “holy s**t” climax involving melting heads, flying flame-balls and a lot of badly dubbed screaming, leading to a genuinely WTF? closing shot that may haunt you forever. A real hot mess from the director of the infamous 3D spaghetti western, Comin’ At Ya!, and for some unknown reason, featuring a score by the great Ennio Morricone. (Dir. by Ferdinando Baldi, 1983, Spain/Italy/USA, 97 mins., Rated PG

Mondo Mondays RAFFLE 2018

VH-YES! Each month at Mondo Mondays in 2018 we’ll be holding a free raffle for an exclusive, one-of-a-kind prize: an old-school VHS case with original Mondo Mondays cover art designed by Tucson artist Ben Mackey! There’ll be new cover art every month, and each case will include a fabulous mystery VHS tape! Collect ‘em all! You must attend EVERY Mondo movie of the month in order to enter, and only one lucky winner will be selected at the final screening of each month. A special punch card will be provided to keep track of your attendance. And remember … please be kind and rewind.