Welcome to Spring Break

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What do you get when you mix sun, surf, suds and wet T-shirt contests with a crazed, leather-clad killer on a motorcycle who’s determined to thin out the bikini-bottomed herd of brain cell-deficient college students descending on Miami Beach for some good old-fashioned Spring Break debauchery? Well, don’t get too excited, because chances are it’s going to look something like the completely ridiculous ‘80s sex comedy/slasher flick train wreck known as Welcome to Spring Break!
Written and directed by Italian trash expert Umberto Lenzi (Cannibal Ferox) as his very warped attempt to cash-in on the 1980s American craze for both raunchy teen vacation comedies AND slasher horror flicks (and doing it about 5 years too late!), Welcome to Spring Break (aka Nightmare Beach) is like the movie equivalent of a sexually-transmitted disease one might catch during a drunken blackout on spring break – it’s all fun and games until the burning sensation brings a tear to your eye the next morning. It’s 1988, and hordes of horny spring break-ing college kids (or at least, middle-aged actors pretending to be horny college kids) descend upon Miami Beach looking for a nonstop party of the wildest kind. But this year, there’s a difference. This year, one of the local bikers, a bad dude named El Diablo, has just been given the electric chair for murdering some local students, but not before he swears to exact revenge from beyond the grave. Naturally, a mysterious motor-psycho soon pops up and begins massacring the oblivious spring breakers – girls in thongs, dudes in “wet he-shirt” contests … no one is safe from this shocking violence (shocking in the sense that our killer’s weapon of choice is lots and lots of electricity, giving rise to one of the most ludicrous murder weapons ever seen in a horror film – an active electric chair strapped to the back of a motorcycle). Of course, the local police (lead by B-movie vet John Saxon, star of Enter the Dragon) keep the killings under wraps while the rest of the town is removing theirs. The thrills reach a fever pitch as a slow-witted gal named Gail and a doofy football star named Skip Banacheck try and run down the mysterious biker from hell all by themselves, while the spring break party rages on. Perhaps even dumber than it sounds, yet strangely compelling at the same time, Welcome to Spring Break is the perfect excuse to stay away from the beach this spring break! (Dir. by Umberto Lenzi, 1988, 92 mins., Rated R) Digital